ATAPOW Chapter 231
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Chapter 231: All Along
“As long as Sir Knight is on the side of humanity, that would be enough.”
“Sure, glory and reputation are well and good, but being victorious is the swiftest path to gain recognition from the Temple Association.”
“Always remember that the knight’s creed has been created and expanded on by generations of Knight Kings. When you formulate a new clause, your identity as a human should always come before your role as a knight.”
‘I’m no true knight. I was never once since the beginning’
‘I’ve undergone knight training alongside my peers, been baptized by the Temple Association, and listened to the teachings of the holy father. However, my inner convictions were often at odds with the greater picture of mankind.’
‘I’ve always wondered: why does this doubt linger inside me?…’
‘Us humans are clearly at the root of this problem, but why does no one seem to realize that?’
‘Aren’t knights sworn to battle to preserve peace?’
Questions like these often haunted his thoughts. Once he became aware of the disparity between him and his peers, panic and confusion began to set in.
Like a black sheep among a flock of white ones, the fact became increasingly clear to him as days passed. To avoid being labeled an outsider and ostracized, the only course of action available to him was to conceal these differences and, in doing so, gain their approval.
During knight gatherings, Ji Bai would often cross his arms and assume the role of an onlooker. He would refrain from expressing his own thoughts, or openly challenging the opinions of his peers.
All he had to do was to execute orders, nothing more.
Despite their contrasting viewpoints, he had faith in his companions’ choices and their commitment to uphold righteousness. Above all, he harbored an even stronger belief in the Temple Association, the pillar supporting the Chivalric Groups.
Back then, he had just been a teenager who found himself forcefully enrolled in the Temple Association after leaving his opulent home due to unforeseen circumstances.
Lacking the qualifications to leverage his social status or family background, he was determined to prove his worth through his own merits.
After a lifetime of solitude, his display of talents earned him the temple association’s recognition and support, and an opportunity to meet the Holy Father in person. This led his disillusioned self back then to feel as if he was being lavished with favor.
As a result, Ji Bai developed a strong belief in the knight’s creed and an even deeper faith in the Temple Association, which was actively promoting these principles in writing.
In over a decade of fighting across different fronts, resisting invasions and subduing rebellions, he had never once failed the Temple Association.
Even though he had retired and lived away from the frontlines, he continued to feel a deep sense of pride for previously being a part of them.
The honor and accolades belonging to the Radiant Knight had never faded from his memory.
But why… Why did it still lead him to such an outcome in the end?
The pale hands she had covering her face tightened slightly, while her pupils, visible through her fingers, steadily constricted.
If one drew closer, they could hear the girl’s disorderly breathing and heartbeat.
She was no different than a shivering small kitten abandoned in the harsh winter.
“Your Highness?” Xun probed.
Yet, Bai Ji, who was ensconced in self-isolation, could no longer hear the sounds of the outside world.
His unwavering obedience to orders had actually been rewarded with deep deception.
“As a knight belonging to the side of humanity, as long as your actions were done with humanity in mind, it will suffice…”
‘I wish to convince myself of that too! I also want to demonstrate to my peers and Holy Father through my actions that I haven’t let them down!’
‘Yet, no matter how I try to stress and convey that I’m just like them, I cannot deceive my own heart…’
‘To start a war, squander lives and resources, harming and displacing the citizens of both nations— is that what it meant to be just? Is this really how a knight should act?’
“Your Highness??”
‘Shouldn’t a knight always stand for justice and righteousness? Isn’t it their oath to protect the peace…?’
Suddenly, a series of memories swept through her mind like a slideshow: Felina’s bloodstained smile, Lil’ Sha’s expressions of disbelief and sadness, and the steadfast support of the Asiatic Cat commoners when he was isolated and all alone.
As soon as she had harbored doubts about the Temple Association’s decisions, she had already ceased to be a knight, hadn’t she? Even if she did her utmost to conceal those distinctions…
Yes, that was definitely the case.
In a trance, she stared at the silvery figure in the nearby dressing mirror, who was dazedly staring back at her.
Blood-red pupils, pure silver hair, sharp fangs, exceedingly pale skin and monstrous strength…
How did any of these features conform to the image of a knight? Was there even a knight whose true nature was a vampire?!
‘Perhaps the idea of being a knight… is merely an excuse… A way for me, a vampire with an inflated sense of self-worth, to delude myself, isn’t it?!’
‘No, maybe I stopped being one a long time ago. Harboring silent doubts about the Temple Association… Straying from my own principles after being led astray…’
‘Was there ever an instance when I’ve truly lived up to the role of a knight?’
“Thwack.”
“Gu-nyaa!?”
Following the sound of a finger striking her forehead, the silver-haired girl, who appeared to have been in a trance-like state, suddenly trembled. As if the sluggish state had been dispelled and her soul had jolted back into her body, she let out a peculiar cry before toppling backward with her head tilted towards the ceiling.
“W-Who just flicked me in the forehead?” Her small hands covering her brow, Bai Ji got up and shot an angry glare at the person sitting in the corner.
“Please quell your anger, your highness. This humble self had merely acted with the sole intention of assessing your current state of mind. I humbly request your punishment.” Without any hesitation, Xun knelt down on one knee and spoke with deference.
“You’re the one in need of a mental assessment.” Bai Ji softly muttered with a pout, her demeanor resembling that of a young girl embroiled in a petty squabble.
“Your Highness is absolutely right.”
“…You may rise,” Bai Ji said, feeling somewhat dissatisfied as she observed Xun’s expressionlessly kneeling and paying respect to her.
How could she put it? Even though no insincerity could be found in her completely emotionless words, she could not help but feel that Xun was simply giving in to her, much like how one would play along with a child’s words to comfort them.
Her actions were beginning to make her feel a little emotional.
However, regardless of the situation, a dependable and mature ‘man’ like herself would naturally prevent those emotions from showing up on her face.
“What brought you here?” Bai Ji’s energy seemed to have recovered somewhat. At the very least, she could hear the words coming from the world around her now.
Sitting down at the bedside with her pale and feminine legs crossed, she found herself clothed only in a shoulder-strapped nightgown —A stranger’s garment, it seemed; Someone had dressed her in it while she was unconscious.
“Two days ago, Your Highness, you fainted outside the city gates and lost consciousness. In order to ensure your safety, I had to overstep my boundary. May I humbly request your punishment.”
“Oh~? You’re always talking about punishment, aren’t you? Do you really think I’m afraid of disciplining you?” Bai Ji playfully used the tip of her foot to raise Xun’s chin, lifting her gaze to meet her own which were brimming with malicious intent.
“Please grant me your punishment, Your Highness. Xun would accept it without any objections.” Xun’s eyes remained as serene as a still pond. Perhaps only she knew the changes occuring in her heart at this very moment.
“Alright~ You’re the one who brought it up. Don’t regret it.” Bai Ji’s slim and beautiful finger lightly pressed against her smiling lips before she lowered her feet to the ground and stood up.
It was generally frowned upon to rest one’s feet on someone’s body. While it might be overlooked in a playful setting, excessively doing so was seen as a highly disrespectful act to the other party.
As Bai Ji turned her body around, she failed to notice that Xun’s eyes had slightly darkened for a brief moment.
“Hmm… What should I punish you with~ Oh dear, this is truly giving me a headache.” Bai Ji paced back and forth, and tapped her head in feigned annoyance.
“Mhm~… Alright, I’ve made my decision,” Bai Ji declared, sticking out her tongue and pointing at Xun. “Your punishment is to not report anything about me to anyone. Including the little hag. That settles it.”
“That ‘little hag’ is…” The corners of Xun’s mouth implicitly twitched. Despite posing that question, an ugly answer was already taking shape in her mind.
“Who else could it be~” Bai Ji said with a smile, arms crossed over her chest. “Obviously I’m referring to that short, white-haired, sadistic loli with a flat chest and underdeveloped body who is always thinking of ways to bully me!”
The genuine and elegant tone in which Bai Ji presented her lively, vivid description left Xun in a daze.
Anyone not in the know would likely think that she was talking about herself…
While Xun knew exactly whom the girl in front of her was referring to, the respect in her heart and the formalities expected between a ruler and her subject stopped her from pointing it out.
“If this directive aligns with Her Highness’s actual wish and doesn’t conflict with Her Majesty’s orders, Xun will follow it faithfully.”
“So you’re telling me that woman has placed me on a worldwide wanted list?” Bai Ji raised her eyebrows.”
“We’ve announced to the public that you’re ill and unable to meet anyone, but the grand dukes in the upper echelons know that you’ve fled the Scarlet Blood Region and your whereabouts are unknown. Due to the secrecy surrounding the incident, we were unable to initiate a large-scale search. While the Queen seems content with keeping things as they are, many ministers, from both the decentralization and imperial absolutist factions, are worried about your absence, including Her Excellency Tina.”
“Tina…” Bai Ji murmured, and repeated that name.
“Hey, how is the Second Lady of your household faring health-wise?” She asked that question while maintaining a nonchalant look on her face.
“Pretty well.”
“Oh.” Bai Ji nodded her head emotionlessly.
The purple-haired girl’s body constitution resembled that of poison nestled in the bones. Without proper control, her meridians would sustain irreversible damage, rendering her incapable of storing magic and reducing her into an invalid.
However, based on how things were at this moment, she seemed to be managing just fine.
“Since that’s settled, you can proceed with my command now.” Bai Ji said with a shrug. She seemed to be musing over which clothes to put on and wear.
“Your Highness, if I may be so bold to ask…”
“…Are you done with your tantrum?”
“…” Although her question did not make Bai Ji turn her head, it succeeded in stopping her in her tracks.
“I’m not throwing a tantrum at all.”
“Instead, you should be concerned about that hag. Was she simply throwing a tantrum or caught up in a moment of passion when she gave me her virgin embrace?”
Bai Ji stopped and silently gazed up at the ceiling crafted from stone bricks.
“Sorry…”
“What prompted Your Highness to say that?” After being taken aback by her words, Xun immediately followed up with a question.
Bai Ji simply shook her head with a slight smile. She then bent her body forward and sat cross-legged on the ground.
“The truth is, I’m merely leveraging my identity as a ‘vampire princess’ for my own convenience…”
“I’m genuinely reprehensible… Yet, to escape the scrutiny of my conscience, I’ve consistently pinned all of this on my vampire lineage. It wasn’t until today, after everything had been revealed, that I finally realized…”
“This audacious personality of mine is just my true self. It has always been the case since the beginning, and has nothing to do with any bloodline at all.” Bai Ji laid on the ground, her limbs sprawled out like a starfish.
Despite harboring a strong aversion to vampires, a profound sense of sorrow and emptiness had overtaken her. Without realizing it, she treated Xun as an outlet for her emotions.
The latter remained silent, offering no opinions of her own. However, she continued to listen with great attention, like a devoted audience.
‘I wonder when I began to fear facing my conscience? I can’t remember…’
The one thing she knew for certain was that a person with a guilty conscience was unfit to be a knight.
At that moment, a slim hand appeared before her eyes and grasped her hand.
“Your Highness, do you mind accompanying Xun to a certain place?”
“…?”